Bedtime routines....with a difference

What comes to mind when you think about bedtime? Is it chaotic and loud? Does it make you feel anxious? Are you clock-watching? Waiting for the next 'no' or wondering how long you'll spend convincing them to put their pyjamas on? If so, I see you. I‘ve been there.

You’re not doing it wrong. Your little one isn’t trying to manipulate you. It is normal for bedtime to be tricky. Our little ones can get a second wind. They’re preparing for a long period of separation. They may be dysregulated as a result of being over stimulated in the day or get a sudden burst of energy from not having certain physical needs met. Maybe they’ve had a rough day and need to let it out in their safe space (that’s you!). They could be striving for control or more connection.

So what can we do? Maybe your bedtime routine just needs a bit of a shake up. Bedtime routines will look different with different families but if there’s one thing they should all have in common it’s CONNECTION. All the below ideas will increase connection with your little one while meeting their needs, and connection creates cooperation which can never be a bad thing!

Rituals

It may seem an obvious one, but if you’re just starting out with a bedtime routine or feel like yours needs a bit of a make-over, it’s the ideal place to begin. A bedtime routine should mostly be predictable, consider it a set of rituals which you’re both or all going to enjoy. If it’s not being enjoyed, don’t do it. The list of ideas for a bedtime routine are endless – some little ones love a bath, sometimes parents add in a mini massage, read books, sing a song, for younger babies they will of course need a milk feed at some point. Don’t try to do them all – your bedtime routine should only take 30-40 minutes. This may take longer if you’re doing a double or triple (plus) bedtime routine.

Our rituals have changed over the years. With my son, I started out with bath time, two books and milk. Then when I stopped feeding to sleep, milk was replaced with a song. As he’s grown, our routine has changed - he has his own ideas for new rituals. At 5 years old, he gets two stories, but we then have a cuddle, he says goodnight to his sister and then in his room I place some kisses under his pillow. I give them each a flavour and then I stroke his face for a few minutes. Rituals are things your child will always remember. They may even use them with their own children. They’re beautiful and in my opinion, shouldn’t be overlooked.

Words and loving affirmations

Words are so powerful, so quick and so easy to weave in to the bedtime routine -there’s no reason to not include them. I find they’re best said as your laying your little one down, giving them one last kiss or tucking them in but there is no rule! Here are some of my favourites:

“There’s nothing you can do that will stop me from loving you. I love you just the way you are.”

“Even when we’re not together, I’m always thinking about you.”

“Here are some kisses to hold while I’m gone.” (pop some kisses in their hand or under their pillow)

Independence 

Toddlers especially love having independence and bedtime is a great way to encourage or allow more. There are plenty of choices they can have and again, there is no rule but if you’re experiencing a lot of push back or ‘no’s, this is where you can offer a choice. So what might that look like?

Choices

Which cup would you like your water/milk in? 

Would you like to fly like a bird or run like a cheetah to the stairs?

It’s time to put your pyjamas on. Would you like the spotty ones or the teddy bear ones? 

It’s story time – you can choose which two we will read tonight.

Activities

You can squeeze the bubbles in to the bath.

Would you like bubbles or a bath bomb?

Let them find their PJs.

Let your little one switch the light off. 

Grab their teddy or comforter.

Sensory activities

Sensory exercises are brilliant for children who seem dysregulated at bedtime. They provide linear vestibular and proprioceptive input to calm the nervous system and regulate the brain. I have put together a list of activities which we often weave into our day. You can find them here.

An extra dose of connection

As the night brings the longest period of separation your child is likely to have in 24 hours, don't be surprised if they are craving an extra dose of connection. There are so many ways to connect but here are a few to get you started, and many of these you will already be doing so go ahead and give yourself a pat on the back!

Laughter

Dancing

Silly noises

Funny faces

Made up stories

Games 

Jokes

Hide and seek

Imaginative play/ dressing up

The list is endless, but providing it’s an activity your little one enjoys and it's dedicated time without interruptions – it’s a winner!

I hope this post has given you some ideas for your bedtime routine which you may not have considered before. If you have any questions about bedtime routines or you’re struggling to get your little one calm and ready for bed, please get in touch.

Luci x